THINGS YOU SHOULD AVOID TALKING ABOUT WITH RETURNING ARMY/MILITARY PERSONNEL _____________________________________________________________________________ 1. Did you kill any anyone?............................ It would seem that common sense would deem this an inappropriate question; however, this question is asked a lot. What purpose does this serve the individual asking to know this about the soldier? ______________________________________________________________________________ 2. What was the nastiest or most disgusting thing you saw over there?.................................... If the soldier/veteran wants to share this kind of detail they might, but ONLY after trust has been established. However, the chance they will want to relive the details of those events, which might be very traumatic, could be slim to none. ________________________________________________________________________________ 3. Are you glad to be home?................................. Consider for a moment what these words could be asking: “Are you glad that you are no longer in a situation where you are getting shot at, missiles being fired at you on a regular basis, the threat of your vehicle being blown up every time you get in it, sand storms and 140 degree temperatures?” It is also important to be aware that the soldier/veteran’s homecoming was more traumatic than being at war. Some come home financially desolate because the person they trusted to take care of their finances spent ALL their money. Others come home thinking they will be welcomed by their spouse only to find they have been unfaithful, usually with someone close to them such a brother and/or best friend, and they are being handed divorce papers. ________________________________________________________________________________ 4. How are you doing?............................. This question should really only be asked when you are willing to stay and listen to the answer. Most likely the veteran doesn’t know how they are doing and definitely may not know how to express it. It is okay not to know what to do with the answer because there isn’t anything you can say to fix it or make it better.Just being there so the soldier/veteran can debrief for just a moment can be enough. _________________________________________________________________________________ 5. Did you see any dead bodies?................................ Again, if the soldier/veteran should want to share this very intimate detail of their deployment they might. However,this may occur after time but be prepared that they just will not share. __________________________________________________________________________________ 6. Do not tell a soldier/veteran that you understand what they are going through and then share a personal/unrelated story................. There really is no way to completely understand going to war unless you have been there. No experience you have had can come close to the stress, terror, guilt, and hell of war. However, God can use your experiences/trauma to extend compassion and empathy, which does not always require words. You don’t have to understand what they’ve been through, but to recognize this was something incredibly painful for them will show the soldier/veteran that you do care. __________________________________________________________________________________ 7. Do you want to go get a drink?.................... This generally becomes a BIG problem later so do not be the one to help them start self‐medicating and on the path to destruction with chemicals. Coffee is a much better addiction and easier to quit. __________________________________________________________________________________ 8. Do not, even if the intention is sincere, tell a veteran, “If you need anything just let me know”.............................. The soldier/veteran generally has no idea what they need let alone has the energy or strength to call someone for help. Many suffer through the frustration of having just come from commanding, fighting, and running on an unnatural level of adrenaline. If you see any need and you have the ability to meet that need don’t wait until they ask, do it! __________________________________________________________________________________ 9. Do you think God could ever forgive you?............................ There are people out there who are extremely opposed to the war and blame the army/military for the destruction and loss of life they see on television. These individuals seem unable to distinguish between their politics and the individual soldier. The soldier/veteran will have some measure of guilt no matter what their job was,so do not make it worse by helping them along with the notion they can never be forgiven for the things they had to do to protect themselves and their battle buddies. ___________________________________________________________________________________ 10. DO NOT, even in a joking manner, tell a soldier/veteran that they should be grateful they made it home alive, didn’t die, need to get over it, and be happy..................... There is already a good chance that they wished they had been killed in action. Coming home is much more difficult than combat. The soldier/veteran knows what is expected during the heat of battle. They rely on training and the instinct to survive. There is no training manual for coming home and there is no debriefing that can fully prepare the soldier/veteran for how difficult it will be. As a result, many desire to go back to Iraq or Afghanistan because they know who they are and how to survive in that world. Back in the civilian world, feelings of helplessness are often overwhelming, and suicide seems to be the only option. ___________________________________________________________________________________ Back Again The world around me feels like its falling. not remember important info. recalling small things over the time. Still something is so wrong. I miss you, I miss you like no other. my love, my friend, my only. I was so excited to talk to you, until I realized you were gone. xx ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ -the only real stumbling block is the fear of failure- +--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+ -Don't try to overhaul your life overnight. Instead, focus on making one small change at a time, those small changes will add up to a big transformation. DONT GIVE UP~ +---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ~Loneliness does not come from having no people around you. but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~the truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you'll see their flaws. That's just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don't last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they're out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness' sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, its seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship.~